I started ACTS school unexpectedly in July. I had to raise about $8500 for the rest of my tuition and the outreach portion of my internship. I was full of faith, at first, as I saw the Lord move in a mighty way and release $1700 overnight just for me to get here and pay my down payment. At first I wasn’t too worried about raising the rest of my funds, but as time crept closer and closer the pressure intensified.

I received about $1100 of support at first and almost immediately I felt the Lord press upon my heart to give it away. I wrestled with it for days. I sought Him hard concerning the issue. My flesh obviously doesn’t think, “Hey let me give away all this money.” I wrestled day and night for about 3 days with the Lord asking Him to confirm it over and over if this was Him. I felt the sovereignty and the fear of the Lord over me about it, so finally, before I could have another moment to think myself out of it…I DID IT! I gave it all away. Every penny. A few hours later I was praying and the Lord said to me, “Even if you get to the end of this and I don’t let you go to the Middle East, you have to stand with an unoffended heart towards Me.” That statement alone offended me, but I began to mediate on it. I won’t say that I wasn’t slightly freaking out as my tuition payment was due the next day, but deep down I had this deep peace. Later that night a bunch of the ACTS students gathered and prayed for about 5 hours petitioning heaven for a breakthrough in finances. There was so much grace to pray those 5 hrs. At the end, I was overwhelmed with peace. I slept so good that night hardly any worry or anxiety. The next morning my alarm went off and, like always, I checked my email before getting a shower and lo and behold I received an email from the business office telling me that someone had paid the second portion of my tuition. WHAT?!? With deep gratitude in my heart, I laughed and thanked the Lord. The Lord showed me through this first segment of this journey of finances that I was walking in an orphan spirit and not fully trusting that the Kingdom’s economy could support all my brothers and sisters AND ME. The Lord was releasing the truth that His Kingdom’s economy can supply more than enough for everyone.

My faith was ignited and I saw the Lord begin to move upon hearts and people walk in great obedience and giving hearts to sow into the dream of the Father’s heart. But as I am human, soon that faith wore thin and as our deadline was approaching and I was still a little ways from having all of my money for the outreach portion and daily running out of my own resources and contacts, worry and fear crept in yet again. I was 2 days away from the deadline and I woke up at about 4am and felt the Lord tell me, “Get ready, go to the prayer room, I want to talk to you.” So I got up and got ready and went to the prayer room. I walked in and I no more set my stuff down before Jaye Thomas was singing a  prophetic song, I am convinced, was solely for me. He was singing, “Don’t lose hope. Hold on! It’s not about your strength. It’s not about your zeal. It’s not about your ability to make anything happen. It’s about Me. I love declaring My name. I love being faithful. I love being your strength. I love being all you have to depend on.” I began to weep as music sometimes just cuts us to the core and really brings us to the end of ourselves. The Lord then said to me, “Do you remember what I said to you several weeks ago?” I begin to think, “…ummm no…” the Lord said, “I told you, even if you get to the end of this and I don’t let you go to the Middle East you have to stand with an unoffended heart towards Me.” Those words cut like a knife. The Lord then said, ” I care more about your heart than your ministry. If you make me choose between your heart and your ministry I will always choose your heart.”

Later that morning the Lord spoke to me and said, “To whom much is given much is required.” I said back to the Lord, ” I never asked for much. You can take it all back.” The Lord said, “Go and read the parable. So I did. Jesus is telling a parable about a rich man who makes his servant ruler over the household while he is gone. If the master returns to find that the servant is faithfully serving, the master will bless him. “But if that servant says IN HIS HEART, ‘My master is delaying in coming,’ and begins to beat the male and female servants, and to eat and drink and be drunk, the master of that servant will come on a day when he is not looking for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in two and appoint him his portion with the unfaithful (Luke 12:42-48).” The Lord highlighted a couple things specifically to me. “The servant says IN HIS HEART, ‘My master is delaying in coming…” With this issue of finances and waiting for breakthrough I was saying in my heart, “My master is delaying in coming. Jesus where are you? Why aren’t you tending to my needs? Why are you making me wait? Sure you will shame me.” As the Lord purposefully allowed the deadline to approach and a small portion of the funds to still be unpaid, it was for the purpose to apply pressure to my heart that the real issues might surface. As the servant in Luke 12 becomes impatient in waiting for the master to return he begins to deal wrongly with those around him. As the Lord pressed upon my heart the realities of my heart surfaced and I began to shed bitterness to those all around me. It wasn’t that I was always verbal about it, but you could feel it protruding from my being.

The next day I woke up early again and met with a couple of my friends in the prayer room and we began to pray about finances and our prayers turned to praying against offense in our hearts. Suddenly it was as if the Lord had removed our hearts from our chest to allow us to analyze them more thoroughly. We began to weep at the reality that lie before us. He truly owes us nothing. We were deserving of death (Rom.6:23). I have to stand with an unoffended heart. He cares more about my heart. The Lord said, “I care more about the condition of your heart than you going to the nations. At the end of the day, I don’t want your heart to be sick. I want it unoffended and overflowing with a good theme (Ps 45).” The Lord then began to speak to me how, in the process, grace must be poured upon my lips. He said to me, “Stephanie, you failed the test.” I was so grieved and just when I thought that I might collapse I saw the Lord pull me to Himself and say, “A father corrects those he delights in (Prov. 3:12 and Heb. 12:6). ” When He applies pressure to those places in our hearts, grace MUST BE poured upon our lips. Such a hard reality to face, but at the same time so good. The Lord said to me, “I’m not looking at your failures but accounting your successes. You will be radiant. You will come out leaning.”

I was made to inherit promises, but we do not inherit those promises instantly. If He allowed us to obtain them instantly they would ultimately destroy us because He has not yet produced in us a character which can sustain those promises. This is why He allows the testings and the trials, not because He likes to watch us suffer, but because He really wants the best for us. At the end of it all He wants us to be able to say, “I inherited the promises of God and they didn’t destroy me and all along the way I made Jesus beautiful.” I am coming to the reality that the greater the promise the greater the intensity of things you will have to walk through to produce a heart to maintain them. Fathers realize their inheritances are bound up in their sons and as they release their sons they receive their inheritance. The role of the father is to fight for the inheritance of the son, but the son in return must fight for the honor of the father. He fights for my inheritance to come forth and in return I honor Him. He prizes the heart! We hate the fire and we hate the shaking, but we must realize that there is a much greater work going on and find a way to rejoice in our sufferings.

Yesterday during my prayer room hours I was struck so hard with a burden for Israel. I carry a burden and pray for her daily, but something was different about this. It was heavy. I tried to ignore it, but finally I was overwhelmed and could not keep silent any longer. I asked a couple friends if they wanted to join me. We began to pray and our hearts over the next hour and fifteen minutes was struck. I can sympathize with Jeremiah, the weeping prophet. We were struck so hard there were moments we would mumble prayers completely unrecognizable because of tears.

The Lord hit me somewhere mid point with Psalm 137

“Beside the rivers of Babylon, we sat and wept as we thought of Jerusalem.

We put away our harps, hanging them in the willow trees.

For our captors demanded a song from us, our tormentors insisted on a joyful hymn:

“Sing us one of those songs of Jerusalem!

But how can we sing the songs of the Lord while in a pagan land?

If I forget you, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget how to play the harp.

May my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth if I fail to remember you,

if I don’t make Jerusalem my chief joy.

O Lord, remember what the Edomites did on the day the the armies of Babylon captured Jerusalem.

“Destroy it!” they yelled. “Level it to the ground!”

O Babylon, you will be destroyed.

Happy is the one who prays you back for what you have done to us.

Happy is the one who takes your babies and smashes them against the rocks!

The Israelites were in a place of deep mourning. Historically, their temple had been burned, their city ruined, their wives ravished and their children slain. They were also captive to a savage and remorseless power, who did not know how to show mercy. They lie down next to a river being overwhelmed with mourning. They lament as they face the reality that they are in a foreign land no longer dwelling in their beautiful Jerusalem. They find solace next to the river, who’s flowing waters seemed to sympathize with their tears. They had hung their harps in the willow trees. The symmetry with this passage is beautiful because willows speak of being unfruitful. These Psalmist were paid musicians who sat and ministered unto the Lord in Jerusalem’s glorious Temple. Their songs brought joy, healing, understanding etc. to the people within Jerusalem’s walls. Their songs were fruitful as they ministered to God and His children. Something was different now. They have hung their harps in the willow trees. I am sure thoughts flooded their minds. “How can we sing songs of joy when we mourn so deeply? How can we ask others to be full of joy when Jerusalem lies in ruins? How can we sing of the beauty of her walls and the dust in her streets (Ps. 102:14) when she lies in ruins?” I know that as a musician sometimes when I can’t put language to what I am going through I will play piano and it expresses what words will not heal through melodies and rhythms. The Psalmist wants us to understand the deep mourning of the musician that where normally music would heal he can’t even imagine picking up his harp. The reverse side, however, is that his captor demands him to sing a song of joy when he mourns. It’s as if they are rubbing their victory of the destruction of Jerusalem’s temple and leaving her in ruins in the Psalmist’s face. “Sing us a song of her beauty now.”

I sat praying thinking on these things as I read them. I heard verse 5 and 6 ring out in my ears. “If I forget you, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget how to play the harp. May my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth if I fail to remember you, if I don’t make Jerusalem my chief joy.” His right hand forgetting his skill and his mouth being silent is the psalmist declaring that he would no longer be able to play and sing if he DID NOT make Jerusalem his chief joy. This is a foreign thought to me. Music is how God has gifted me to express myself and I can’t imagine not doing that the rest of my life. The Psalmist comes to the same reality.

The thought of the Israelites in captivity lead me to a whole other thought. I began to ask the Lord what the importance of Israel becoming a nation again in 1948 was if there would yet again be a dispersion of the Jewish people. Zechariah 14 speaks of the Coming Day of the Lord, which speaks of the 2nd returning of Christ. “Behold, the day of the Lord is coming, and your spoil will be divided in your midst. For I will gather all the nations to battle against Jerusalem; the city shall be taken, the houses rifled, and the women ravished, half of the city shall go into captivity…” Sound familiar? This is the very same scene that the Psalmist describes in Psalm 137, only Zechariah is speaking of a future day. I am wrestling with this in my spirit. “Lord, why would You make them a nation only to one day disperse them and cause them, again, great mourning?” When I was in Israel the Lord showed me over and over how stories throughout the bible as well as physical places in Israel are full of foreshadows. The Lord began to speak to me of how 1948 was a foreshadow of the restoration of all things. Since 1948, we have seen, slowly, the Jewish people coming back to their land. They are still returning today some 64 years later. I do know that through Christ we have been grafted into the glorious promise of Israel. The Bride of Christ, at the moment, has been dispersed and is in captivity throughout the nations. We are being held captive and being ruled by wicked and merciless rulers and leaders as the Psalmist was in Psalms 137, but there is coming a day when the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords will return. He will come back and take over the nations of the earth. He will gather us unto Himself, no longer will we be held in captivity to a wicked and perverse people, but we will be brought back to the beautiful Jerusalem. Jerusalem will be our chief joy! He will rule and reign in righteousness! New songs (Is. 42) will arise as we sing of things that we have never seen or heard before. Old songs sing of what we have seen and experienced, but there will actually come a day when our eyes will see things they have not seen before and we will sing about them. Our ears will hear things they have never heard before and we will sing about them. Our hearts will feel things that they have never felt before and new songs will arise. Old songs just won’t be able to describe them. Jerusalem will be our chief joy!

This week has been so encouraging and I am finding that my faith is through the clouds. Seeing the Lord work in great and mysterious ways as we went on evangelism outreach this week as well as His faithfulness to provide for this journey that I am on. My heart is overwhelmed within me and gratitude is rushing like a mighty river through my heart. I am truly seeing the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!

Tuesday nights every week we go evangelizing in Kansas City. This week we went to the UMKC campus. Classes have just started back so students packed the student union and the sidewalks. Our team of 8 broke off into sets of two, just like the disciples , and prayed asking the Lord to move upon us. We invited the Holy Spirit to lead us. Me and my team member wandered around the campus for a while until finally we decided to just sit down and wait. We prayed that like Acts 1 we would tarry until endued with power from on high. We also prayed that God would reveal the “man of peace” that He speaks about in Luke 10. Evangelism is one of the most challenging tasks for me. We prayed to the Lord that He would meet our weak hearts and our weak ability. We asked the Lord to just drop someone into our laps. As we sat there for probably 10-20 minutes this Asian girl walked by. She sneezed and I responded with the typical “bless you”. My team mate then asked if she was sick. Two seconds after she asked that this girl literally collapsed into our laps somewhat moaning. We were startled at first but remembering what we prayed kinda laughed. We didn’t jump into asking her 1000 questions about what she believed etc. We started a normal conversation. She told us that she was an international student from China who was here studying for her masters. We asked her if she was living on campus she said she was living in a rental house near campus but not campus. She told us that her roommates were also international students. Meagan asked her where they were from. She said, “__________.” Imagine the shocked looks on our faces when from her lips rolled the name of the nation in the Middle East that we will leave for in Oct. If we doubted that we had been lead by the Lord to this very girl in this very moment this certainly clarified any doubt. We spent the next hour with her. We aren’t exactly sure what she believes in exactly because she doesn’t speak English very well and it was kind of hard to understand her, but we made an awesome connection with her and have no doubt that before we leave for the Middle East that she will claim allegiance to Jesus. My biggest burden is that we don’t become people who create converts but we become teachers who raise up disciples. We truly believe that the salvation of this girl and her roommates will be the first fruits of what the Lord will do in the Middle East.

I ask that you would pray with us to see this young girl come to salvation and complete allegiance to Jesus. I also ask that you would pray for connections with those in her household, that they all would encounter the man Christ Jesus and seek to exalt Him and Him alone.

As an update I am about $3500 away from reaching my financial need for my outreach trip in October. I am so moved by those of you who have partnered with me financially thus far. I am truly moved with deep gratitude that you would partner me with, the nations, and the dream of the Father’s heart to see the Son exalted. I am completely confident that He will continue to provide. I ask that you would just continue to ask how you are to sow whether through prayer or finances. If interested please contact me for more information. radiantbride77@gmail.com
He who began a food work in me with be faithful to complete it!

Seven weeks ago my life changed in but an instance. A door stood open in time and before I even had the chance to evaluate what lie behind that door, before I had a moment to question fear and before I had a moment to interject, I was forced by the hand of God through a door that, if I’m honest, was someone else’s destiny. Someone else’s dream. Someone else’s desire.

I have talked about the lost my whole life. I have prayed about the lost my whole life. But what have I done about the lost in my life? What have I been doing as 66,000 people who have never heard the Gospel, let alone the name of Jesus, die and burst the gate of hell wide open? Regardless of what I feel or think, this is the reality. Can I not hear the sounds of the souls crying out from an eternal burning abyss? Does it not grip my heart and my soul to make a difference? He says, “Who will go?” and I say, ” But what about the promise of my future and my dreams.” He says, “what about theirs?” “But what about my platform and my ministry?” and He says, “What about their souls?” “But it’s hot in those climates. I will have to use a dirty bathroom. Am I not evangelizing souls here? It’s dangerous and I don’t even have the money.” “But do you hear the roar as they cry out from the eternal burning abyss?”

I said yes in a moment to something far greater than me. I sit here tonight my soul gripped and my heart aching with the reality that He has called me to something I can’t make happen nor do I have the will to make it. I kick and scream daily as I hear Him whisper, asking, demanding yet more and more of me! I’m struck to face my reality! I will be a part of the great multitude of martyrs from Rev. 6 crying out, “How long before you avenge us oh God?” What a honor! I sit here with tears in my eyes as I think of this insecure, broken, weak girl that most people never recognize, yet when I said yes it was as though an earthquake was released throughout the fullness of the universe and the cause of this great earthquake was not that my words were full of strength or power but that that 3 letter word moved the heart of my Creator.

I will pave a road that other feet will walk on long after my bones turn to dust in a grave. I won’t be remembered but when I enter the courts of heaven I know there will be a smile on His face and the words “well done” will resound through the heavenly realm. And it will be then that I know it was worth it all. It was worth dying to every American dream. It was worth dying to every selfish ambition to see the faces of tribes and nations who exalt His name because I said yes to a simple call. Will you go? Will you labor? Will you plow? Will you lay it all down for the hopes to one day wear a crown?
Yes I will, only because worthy is He who was slain. All the glory belongs to this lamb and He calls me by name!

“My ambition is to preach the Gospel where the name of Christ has never been heard…” Rom. 15:20

“If I live, I live to glorify the Lord, if I die, I die to glorify the Lord. So whether I live or die I do it to glorify the Lord.” Rom. 14:8

“My ambition has always been to preach the Gospel where the name of Christ has never been heard…(Rom. 15:20).”

Dear Reader,

God is on the move and so am I. July 1st I moved to Kansas City, Missouri and joined the ACTS School (Antioch Center for Training and Sending). ACTS is a unique, 6 month training program designed to equip young adults to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit and to change the world through worship, prayer, and missions. Immediately upon orientation, we jumped right into a very intense schedule. We have a set time to commune with the Lord daily. We have 4 to 6 hrs. of core classes which include basic teachings of the Gospel, Effective Evangelism, Worship and Prayer, and International Cultures and Religions. We also have small group meetings where we fellowship with fellow students and learn to love and honor one another. A very busy, jammed packed, 6 days a week schedule, but I love it!

As most of you know, last year I went to Israel for 3 months. That trip has forever changed me. Upon returning home, my heart was so stirred for the lost as well as the nations. I found myself researching other nations who proclaimed any name other than Christ. I fell in love with the Middle Eastern nations and studying their history, their biblical history, as well as praying fervently for them to come to salvation through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I found that the cry of Paul’s heart soon became what was fueling me more and more to see the task of global evangelization a greater reality. “My ambition has always been to preach the Gospel where the name of Christ has never been heard (Rom.15:20).” This yearning became a reality that I could no longer ignore.

The Lord opened a door and rather quickly. I was in a rather big transition that urged an immediate response. After much continual prayer, I felt that I was not to try and work things out on my own, but to wait for the Lord’s direction. At the end of June I had roughly a week to make a decision. A friend of mine had told me about the ACTS program and how it specializes in training missionaries to go to the hardest and darkest places of the earth to see the name of Jesus exalted. He knew that my heart was yearning to see the Gospel go forth after my trip to Israel. I shrugged at the idea. The next day I applied and found myself trusting the Lord to make the path known. There would be a lot of ground to cover in 3 days for this to work. I needed to fill out a lot of paper work, pack, drive 800 miles, and have a down payment of $1450 for my tuition (I had about $5 in my checking account at this point) all by Sunday, July 1st. In less than 24 hrs., all these things came together. I am still overwhelmingly amazed at God.

The ACTS program is 6 months. The first 3 months, as I said earlier, is classes and preparation. I will then spend 3 months in the Middle East with 5 other students and 2 leaders. We will be leading worship and prayer meetings daily exalting Jesus, preaching the saving power of Christ, doing daily evangelism outreaches showing the love of Christ, and laying the ground work to disciple those who accept Jesus as well as lay the foundations for a church in the Middle East. In one Middle Eastern nation 98% of the population proclaims a name other than Christ while only 2% proclaim Jesus. The urgency for the name of Jesus to be known is not only urgent, but necessary.

In order for me to give myself fully to this calling, I need to raise up a team: a team of friends like you who will stand with me in prayer and financial support. The three month outreach portion will cost roughly $8500. This will cover airfare, visas, housing, food, and transportation. I am committed to giving my life away for the sake of the lost in the nations; that they might know the Lord and spend their lives for Him. I am asking you to prayerfully consider committing yourself as well, to the purposes of God, with me through finances and prayer. I cannot accomplish this without your help. I am so excited with what the Lord is doing and hope to have a chance to share with you what the Lord is doing in me while in ACTS. I look forward to having an opportunity to share with you and will be contacting you soon. –Stephanie Anne Lilly

To make a donation:

* online at stephaniealilly.com: click donate page and follow the instructions

* make a check out to IHOP-Cartersville and mail to

Stephanie Lilly

c/o IHOP Cartersville

416 E Grassdale Rd.

Cartersville, GA 30121

* make check payable to Stephanie Lilly an mail to

Stephanie Lilly
13248 Parkhills Dr
Grandview, MO 64030

all donations are tax deductible, but if you make a donation by check you must make it out to IHOP-Cartersville and make sure my name is not on the check. You can stick a post-it note with my name on the check.

Any further questions feel free to email me. radiantbride77@gmal.com

Hello all. I’m just sending this out ASAP as I don’t have a lot of time and if you are receiving this it’s because you have in someway been part of my life and prepared me for a moment such as this.

I received a call yesterday, really, with an opportunity of a lifetime. There is this program called ACTS (Antioch Center for Training and Sending). For more info check out ACTSschhol.com. They offer 3 months of 40 hrs a week basic principle bible teaching that trains you how to spread the gospel as well as prepare you to minister in some of the darkest spiritual places on earth. At the end of the three months they send you to Turkey to minister in some of the darkest, unreached, Muslim villages. In short they only allow 50 ppl per semester and last minutely yesterday I found out that a space opened up. The program starts Sunday :/. The director told me that if I could be packed, there with the rest of my paper work and the beginning deposit of $1450 that they would accept me.

Many of you know that I just came home in feb from ministering to the Muslim people is Israel for 3 months. My heart is more than stirred and I fell in love with the Muslim people and long more than anything to see them come to salvation. The $1450 is only the beginning of the expenses. For the 3 month school, which not only includes tuition and books but housing and food, the total is about $3400. The ten week trip to Turkey will be around $5-6000 with airfare, accommodations, food, etc.

I really have about 24 hrs. To make a decision and I have finished most of what he’s asked. The main part is if I can get the funding. I ask that you would pray with me in this and if the lord leads you to sew financially then feel free. At anything I covet your prayers.

Because of the short timing of the situation if you do feel lead to sew we have found that the quickest way to ensure funds is by wiring the money via western union or money gram at wal-mart. If you are interested in giving for tax deductible reasonings I will check to see how that would work with cash. Typically you make a check out to IHOP Cartersville, not putting my name on the check at all for tax purposes and mail it in but with the shortness of time mailing and checking I’m not sure are an option unless you want to give towards this at a later date. If that’s the case feel free to message me back if you need that info. For anything else, questions etc feel free to call. As I said if I am unable to come up with the $1450 by tomorrow, really, they won’t be able to accept me into the program.

Love to you all. If you need to feel free to contact me via email at lillyanne77@hotmail.com. Feel free to pass this along to others you may know as well. I covet your prayers and love you all dearly.

Blessings in Christ,
Stephanie Lilly

I am finding myself in a very interesting season. Just recently, I can honestly say, I was in the dark night of my soul, a huge pit, the valley of the shadow of death. I have been angry with the Lord before over certain things, but this time was different. I was scared that I might walk away from Him altogether. The reality of walking away and no longer trusting Him, but my weak self, I think, was much scarier than the dark pit that I was currently sitting in when I had that thought. We have all been there. We have all experienced that pit in some shape, form, and fashion in our human lives. There are those of us who are simply waiting for the dreams and promises of God to come to pass. There are those who are waiting for the promotion that was promised to them. There are those who have experienced the loss of a child or a loved one and have no words to explain why. Whatever it is, we have all been in that pit in one way or another and the thought crossed our mind, “Will I continue to love and trust Him throughout the rest of this pilgrimage?”

I found in this dark place that I was running full speed in the opposite direction of the One calling and pursuing me. “No, I can’t trust You. You hurt my heart. You let me down. Stay away!” Although I was running, and running hard, it was like i was running on a treadmill not getting any further from Him. I couldn’t get away no matter how hard I tried. His voice constantly calling in the distance, “Come to Me, I will give you rest. Come to Me, I will give you rest!” But my heart so hurt, so broken, I couldn’t trust Him and I found more comfort in running, even if I wasn’t really getting anywhere. Now I know that I am not the only person who can attest to this, but, why is it that when we want to hear from the Lord, its as if He really doesn’t exist, and we do everything “religiously” to try and make a way to hear him. We fast. We pray. We read our bible. We do 15 cartwheels. We jump up and down 38 times and then spin to the left and then spin to the right. We do the hokey pokey trying to make something happen. But when you DON’T want to hear from Him *BAM* He’s in your face constantly. Talk about the inside, outside, upside down Kingdom. Sheesh! I can’t explain it. This was right where I was sitting in that pit. I didn’t want to hear from Him, yet He was speaking things, that at the time I didn’t realize, would change the course of my life forever.

I won’t go into listing all the “horrible” things that I was going through as they aren’t really that important. However, I will touch on one, as without it, you won’t understand the life changing-ness (haha) of it. I am currently facing the situation of having to move. As many of you know I have been a full-time missionary and on staff, voluntarily, at the House of Prayer since Oct. 2007. I had SHORT jobs here and there, but for the most part have been living a life of adventure that I know Bill Gates and Donald Trump would envy haha. Over the last 4 years of this adventure I have given up more and more for the sake of the call on my life. Has it been easy? Absolutely not, but to live with the hunger of denying destiny is more painful than losing the materialistic things and wants of the human flesh. It has been very humbling. I went from working 3 jobs and having everything in the world I could imagine wanting, yet I was so empty and miserable that none of it mattered. I had my own apartment, nice car, I was “living the american dream,” yet I was so EMPTY that I was dying daily. I had this amazing life changing encounter with the Lord in Feb. 2007 and by Oct. 2007 I gave up everything. I moved in with the directors of my House of Prayer who have become amazing spiritual parents and leaders in my life. Anyone who has lived on their own though knows how hard it is to live with people again haha. Humbling! My whole world, as I knew it, had changed. I found myself willing to do anything for this One who had touched my heart in a way no one else ever had, or ever will. I know that the Lord has called me as a Levite, a David, one who sits in the House of the Lord and ministers to Him. I have no doubt that this has been His workings in me since the beginning of time. Last year at this very time, I knew that the Lord was preparing me to move. I had been living with my spiritual family for 3 years. In fear, I couldn’t see where the Lord was leading me or how things were going to happen so I resulted in trusting myself to pave the way. I jumped and got a job that was HORRIBLE. I lasted there for 2 months before walking out. The next thing I knew the Lord provided a place for me to live, yet again. I moved into a 2 bedroom apartment with a wonderful and dear lady from our House of Prayer. Through certain situations she is having to move now to be with family in FL, and here I am again, back in this same place. I am in this pit, angry as can be, not wanting to talk to, or think about the Lord. I know you are saying, “Wow, big deal. This isn’t a hard trial,” but again I tell you there were many many things leading up to this that we can call this the icing on the cake for that moment. I am doing everything to distance myself from the Lord. One night one of my friends says, “You should just watch a good movie. Clear you head.” So I pick this movie and I watch it all the way through and I’m like, “Eh, that was pretty good.” I am getting ready for bed and thinking out my current situation and how I’m going to work things out and the Lord speaks to me and says, “At any time you can go back to being who you were, but you will still END UP being exactly who I made you to be!” I spit my toothpaste into the sink and I stare at myself in the mirror pondering these words. “At any time you can go back to being who you were, but you will still END UP being exactly who I made you to be!” The Lord then says to me, ” You are where you are because you chose to be here VOLUNTARILY! I didn’t make you quit your job, lay down all those other things. YOU CHOSE TO DO THAT. And Lilly, it has NOT gone unseen from my eyes. I saw that you are willing to lay down anything for the sake of love, for the sake of being with me.” At that moment it was as if my heart was nailed with an arrow. He extends this offer to all of us on different scales. WHAT WILL YOU GIVE UP FOR LOVE? We see all these movies and read all these books where we watch these men jump through hoops and barrels for the woman they love. Are we doing the same for the sake of an eternal, everlasting love, that waters can not quench? I realized at that moment that the Lord was pleased with me. I also came to the reality that He was, yet again, validating my life and my calling.

I continued to ask myself over and over, “God, why am I in the exact same place as I was this time last year? Is there something you want to teach me? If so, please teach me because i don’t want to face this mountain again.” The Lord has a way of speaking for sure. A very very dear brother in the Lord to me called me several weeks later and began to give me a prophetic word that the Lord had given him for me 5 wks earlier. I am so thankful that this dear brother has always been one who knows how to wait for the timing of the Lord. He called me right on time. He began to speak to me about several things, but one thing he said to me was that the Lord had given him Genesis 12-13. He then starts to paraphrase the story for me. Abraham is between the cities Bethel and Ai and builds an altar unto the Lord after having received the promise, “I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous and you will be a blessing to others. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you (Gen 12:2-3).” Right after this the fear of famine strikes the land and the first thing Abraham does is, “freak out” shall we say, and runs back to Egypt. He gets there, and again because of fear, tells Pharaoh that Sarah is his sister and so Pharaoh takes Sarah “into” the palace. Abraham prospers greatly from this as Pharaoh blessed him because of Sarah, but the Lord steps in and sends terrible plagues upon Pharaoh’s house until the truth comes forth and Abraham and Sarah are asked to leave Egypt. The next thing Abraham knows, BOOM, he is right back at the same altar as he was before he ended up in Egypt.

Okay PAUSE! So, in case you aren’t connecting the dots, I will help you out. Here I am in the exact same position as I was last year. Can I look back on my situation from last year and see where the “fear of famine” struck the land and I made my own provision? ABSOLUTELY! Okay, so, like Abraham, yes the Lord blessed me in the last season of my life even though I ran in fear. He taught me great and wondrous mysteries and took me wonderful places, but I have been “driven out of Egypt,” this time, and I am back at the altar. Now what do I do? I know one thing, I WILL NOT try to work this out myself, AGAIN! So, what does Abraham do? He finds himself back at this altar and it says, “HE WORSHIPED THE LORD (Gen. 13:4).” So if freaking out and providing for myself is not the option then what other option do I have? TRUST GOD! WORSHIP HIM! Sounds easy enough right? Surprisingly, I am finding a lot of peace in my life right now. The Lord spoke to me about a week ago as I was thinking about the whole situation and trying not to psych myself out as to where I would live, where I would go, what I would do, and feeling very passive in the whole ordeal, He said, “Do not confuse complacency and passivity with surrender.” My first reaction was, “HUH?” And then He said, ” Complacency and passivity means you don’t care, and that’s not the case. Surrender, however, means that you do care, yet you realize that it is outside of you ability to fix.HELLO! I AM GOD! Not you!”

Even more comforting, as the time progresses, I have to seek His peace a little more actively. I am spending time with the Lord, as it is the middle of the month and I am leaving Thurs. to go to the beach with my mom, so I have to be packed before I go, and still have no idea where “home” will be when I get back. The Lord speaks two very encouraging words to me. The first, He takes me back to a promise He gave me in Israel that I would be like the church of Philadelphia, “All who are victorious will become pillars in the house of God, and they will never have to leave it (Rev 3:12).” For me, again, the Lord was confirming my mandate and calling to be in the House of Prayer here in the city of Cartersville. The second word He spoke to me, just shows me that He has a sense of humor and loves when we are reminded that He is God and fully in control. I was reading about the life of Abraham in Hebrews and the Lord highlighted this verse, ” Abraham went WITHOUT KNOWING where he was going (Hebrews 11:8).” Wow! Now that is comforting let me tell you.HAHA!

I say all this to say, no matter how dark of a place you may feel that you are in, you are only a whisper away from victory! Stop looking at your circumstances and allowing them to dictate the course of your life, your emotions, your feelings. “Greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world.” It’s really true! The Lord takes us through these testings and trials to establish our character. One of the largest issues in the Body of Christ is that we really don’t know who we are and what kind of authority that He has granted to us, therefore, we think it is okay to be Satan’s punching bag, and IT’S NOT! He wants us to walk into our identity. He wants us to know who we are THROUGH CHRIST! “Christ in me the hope of glory!” He wants us to wake up and smell the coffee and realize that the destiny that He has planned for our lives is really outside of our realm to imagine, therefore, how much more is it outside of our human realm to imagine how to provide for it or make it happen. David and Isaiah both confirm this. ” Your plans for us are too numerous to list (Ps 40:5).” “My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine (Isaiah 55:8).” The reality is, we have this HUGE, GRANDIOSE destiny awaiting us, but right now, we don’t have the character to sustain it. Paul said, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us to develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation (Rom. 5:3-4).” He really is working in us and eternal weight of glory!

The walk of one’s life, I believe, has to be one of the most amazing acts that God the Father could watch walked out. Day after day He watches us make decision after decision. The life of humanity is nothing but thousands and thousands of opportunities daily making decisions. I wake up…but I have to decide, will I hit the snooze or sleep for 5 more minutes? What will I eat for breakfast? Oatmeal or cereal? I-75 is backed up with traffic because of a wreck…do I choose to practice patience or find an alternate route? I get to the House of Prayer and my phone is going off like crazy…do I choose to answer or realize the value of my time spent with my Creator? Someone hurts me with their words…do I tell them or just hide the hurt inside? Decision after decision after decision. I am not sure that someone, even one as intelligent as Einstein, could configure the amount of time one human being spends in a lifetime making decisions. I will tell you, however, that ultimately, “Man makes plans, but God ordains His steps (Pr. 16:9).” Man has freewill, but I think, even beyond that, we really don’t have as much control over our lives as we think we do. Let me rephrase that last statement. Man has freewill, but I KNOW, even beyond that, we really don’t have as much control over our lives as we think we do.  This very blog for instance, I was initially writing about something else and at the moment I have no real idea where it is headed, but I know that I am going to submit myself to the leadership of the Holy Spirit.

Man makes plans, but God ordains his steps. How many people schedule out their day and actually complete every single thing on the list? If you are raising your hand and saying, “me” right now I have to ponder if you are telling the truth haha. All joking aside, it rarely ever happens. I am finding that my steps really are ordered of the Lord.  Even Jesus said, “I can do nothing on my own (John 5:19 , 30).” I remember back in the Summer of last year I was praying and planning to go to Ireland. I felt for sure that I was very close to getting on a plane and being there. Within a matter of what seemed like a moment I was actually on a plane headed to Israel. To be honest I had no real desire to go to Israel other than to see what I had read and believed about my whole life. I remember telling the Lord, “I don’t want to go to Israel.” He said back to me, “Why don’t you want to go?” I said, “I just don’t want to go.” He said, “Wrong! Let’s deal with the truth of why you don’t want to go. You don’t want to go because you don’t value yourself and you don’t think that you are worthy enough to be used by the Lord in His very land.” OUCH! My Father loves in gentleness and compassion, but sometimes He has to speak direct to my heart. He is looking for a Bride who is confident in her love and affection for Him as well as her destiny. Its because of His great mercy that He reveals these hidden weeds in the garden of our hearts. The next thing I knew I was on a plane headed to the Holy Land and about to experience what will forever be remembered as one of the most amazing moments of my life.

Over a year ago I also was faced with a major decision. Many people would choose not to talk publicly about these kinds of things, but I believe that my testimony has power and I love to speak of the goodness of the Lord. At the time I was 26 years old. I had never really dated or had a real boyfriend. I have heard every line in the book about singleness and could possibly write a book and add to the thousands that are already on the shelf about the topic. One thing that I have found to be a great challenge is remaining celibate in the midst of learning about a loving and intimate God. Song of Solomon says, “Do not arouse of awaken love until is so desires.” I would say that women struggle harder than men with this, but I don’t think that’s true. I think it is equally true. In the depth of man in a longing to be loved and belong. Allen Hood talks about the days that Adam spent in the garden naming the animals and how longing existed before the fall. He says to imagine what it must have felt like for Adam to go through naming all of these animals and over and over again being faced with the reality that there were two of every one except himself. LONGING! Well, now you know what my life has felt like for the last couple years. I know many women go through similar experiences. I found that the more and more time that went by, the more I realized, I stayed single while it seemed everyone else was marrying. I felt as though my life was on hold while everyone else moved on. I felt stuck. In the depth of my heart there was this little girl screaming at the top of her lungs longing to be loved and noticed. I soon after found myself at a crossroad in life. I could choose to go to the path to the right or the path to the left. I prayed and sought the Lord. I had words that could go one way or another, and soon I just found myself making a decision on my own. 7 months later I found myself in the darkest hole and most heartache I had ever experienced in a lifetime. Looking back on it all I know that I am only where I am because while I make plans God ordains my steps. Now to expound on my earlier statement. We do not have as much freewill as we would like to think. I made decisions that pleased my flesh and at the time what I thought my spirit, but God being all knowing, all seeing saw through all the shaded areas. He intervened! I couldn’t understand it fully at the time, but now looking back I can see His beautiful hand of mercy. It was holding my heart oh so gently. I felt for a while like I would die, but He also brought me to the reality that He makes all things work together for my good. Most people would say, “If I had it all to do over I would change the way that I did things.” Honestly, I don’t know that I can say that. While it may not have been His perfect will, He did still allow it, and, MAN, the things that He taught me along that journey. In John 17 Jesus said, “I have revealed You to them, and I will continue to do so.” I learned things about my Father, my Creator, my Lover, that I might not have learned any other way. I will say I learned, if I don’t have clarity on a matter, I WILL NOT MOVE NEXT TIME, without KNOWING THAT I KNOW!

If you feel like you have gone through a rough season and maybe made some decisions that weren’t quite right, I just encourage you, get up, dust yourself off, and keep running the race. Keep your eyes fixed on the prize. Jesus did not let you down! Jesus did not fail you! Jesus has not forgotten you. And if you think that there is no one in the world who feels the way that you do, I can assure you, you are wrong. Jesus was the only man who faced not only rejection by man, but rejection by God. One minute He cries out, “My God, my God , why have you abandoned me (Matt. 27:46)?” And the next He says, “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands (Luke 23:46)!” Notice the difference in how He addresses God the Father. The first time He calls Him God highlighting His humanity. In the second statement He addresses Him as Father highlighting His Son ship. Jesus was the only man rejected by God. He was rejected so that you might be accepted! I am going to say that again, not because you need to hear it, but I do. HE WAS REJECTED SO THAT YOU MIGHT BE ACCEPTED! You are a son! You are a daughter! Hold your head high and remember that, “Christ in you is your HOPE FOR GLORY (Col. 1:27 paraphrase)!”

I was driving home last night from hanging out with some dear friends of mine and the road that I was driving down carries some memories of mine that are very hard for me to deal with. These memories tend to haunt me and just bring my heart into bondage with heartache. I am feeling this aching rising up in my heart as the memories begin to play over and over in my head. Finally, I said, “God, I can’t keep doing this! These memories haunt me!” The Lord spoke to me almost immediately and said, “Look for Jesus.” I have heard this line several times in inner healing sessions and I know that from past experiences it does tend to work. The next thing I knew the Lord began to talk me memory to memory and where there was hurt from a carnal man, He removed the image of that person and placed Himself there with me. He even rewrote completely some of the memories. There was one specifically where I was walking in the park with someone I had given my heart to and then I saw Jesus instead. He took my hand and said, “You captivate me with your beauty. Do you know that?” I was completely undone at that point. Tears poured from my eyes.

So many of us are walking around trying to bear up in our own strength these hurts and pains in our hearts. The Lord took me back to Isaiah 53 last week and said, “Go back to the cross because you have forgotten what He did for you there.” I am reading in Isaiah 53 and finally the elevator went to the top floor, the light came on, and I suddenly became the brightest crayon in the box. “It was my weaknesses He carried; it was my sorrows that weighed Him down…He was beaten so I could be whole.” He also said in Colossians 2:10, that, through my union with Jesus Christ I am made complete, I am whole, I am not broken. So many times we think in sorrow and pain that we are completely alone and bearing it on our own, but the reality is that He has carried that weakness already for us. He has carried that heartache already for us. He has carried that hurt and disappointment already for us. He was beaten so that I could be whole! He was beaten so that my heart could be mended together. He is dismantling the lies and replacing them with truth. The knowledge of God will prevail. “I was bound by chains, but now I’m bound by love. Oh how You set me free to love You!”

I just encourage you that whatever you are going through no matter how hard it is fight for truth to prevail. The battle is real! There is a war for your heart, and He has already prevailed. “We can REJOICE, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts (Romans 5:3-5).” You will come out leaning on your Beloved. He is coming back for a Bride walking confidently down the aisle with her head up, her eyes on Him, arrayed in the most beautiful spotless garments, and COMPLETELY in love!

“If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously.” Rom. 12:8 NLT

The Lord has really been taking me to a deeper understanding of true leadership. The Lord spoke to me last week and said, “True leadership requires weakness.”  I am finding that God loves to take the most unqualified and qualify them according to Kingdom standards. The Lord gave me this analogy. If you are in the world and you apply for a job, the business will look for the most qualified to do the job. You have Person A who was a Harvard Alumni, graduated at the top of their class, interned here and there. Then there is Person B who has a GED and at most worked at McDonald’s and Wal-Mart. Now according to the worlds standards, most would look at Person A and see them clearly qualified, but not so much with Person B. However, this is not so of the Lord’s Kingdom. The Lord, I think, looks for the most clearly unqualified. Don’t believe me? Look all through the scriptures. Abraham had fear issues. Moses had a speech problem. Gideon had an identity issue. David was of the weakest tribe and disqualified by even his own father, an adulterer and a murderer. Peter was over zealous at times and acted out of anger and even denied Christ at the most remembered moment of history. Paul was so full of a religious spirit that he actually became one of the largest persecutors of the church. Why does He do this? Why does He delight so much in weakness? Easy…The Father lives to glorify the Son. So how does He do this? “His power works best in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).” Its in our weakness that His strength is glorified. In my weakness He can show Himself powerful and mighty and that glorifies the Son.

How do I become a good leader? This is one question that I have been asking the Lord. Understand now that you don’t have to be a worship leader or a preacher or have a title to be considered a leader either. You may be one who just shares an encouraging word with a brother or sister in a hard time, but you are exemplifying qualities of a leader, therefore, you are a leader regardless as to whether a platform exist or not. Jesus said, ” I have given you an example to follow…Do as I have done (John 13:15).” We know that here Jesus was washing the feet of the disciples. He isn’t talking about the actual act of washing their feet but serving them. The best leaders are the ones who live to serve and be of help to others. Those who live to see others far over excel their destiny for the glory of the Father. Remember when He said, “Your hands will do greater works that these?” Talk about good leadership. Jesus taught them and raised them up in a way that they would far over excel even the miracles and teachings of His own. I find this to be true in my own life. I give piano lessons from time to time and raise up musicians for the house of prayer as I feel that this is part of my mandate from heaven and more often than not the student far excels the teacher within a matter of a few months. At first, I found that I had real issues with it. I was like, really Lord. But then I came to the reality that this is true and GOOD leadership. It  is the type of leadership that exemplifies that of Jesus. Peter also said, ” Christ is your example and you must follow in His ways (1 Pet 2:21).”

A little deeper still…What is His example? What does it look like? “The Son can NOTHING by Himself…(John 5:19),” and “I (Jesus) can do NOTHING on my own…(John 5:30).” “For the Father…shows him everything…the Father will show Him how to do even greater works…(John5:20).” Everything He did flowed out of the place of being taught and lead by the Father. He only said and did as the Father said and did. This is the example that He wants us to follow. He wants us to seek the very same relationship. Hebrews 5:8 says, “Even though Jesus was God’s Son He learned obedience.” He submitted Himself fully to the Father. Just an interesting thing to look at. ..Matt 24:35-36 says, “No one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son Himself.” How is this so if Jesus is fully God, yet fully man? “He emptied Himself;…and being made in the likeness of men (Phil 2:7).” The word “emptied” means that Jesus gave up something when He became a man. I believe that Jesus decided to limit Himself in order to live as a human being. He limited the use of His knowledge and power, for example. Jesus not only looked like a man on the outside, but on the inside too. That is the meaning of “form” and “likeness”. Jesus had to be taught. If we go back to John 5:20 where it says that the Father shows Him everything, we know that the word “show” means to demonstrate, be taught, or to unveil. So the verse is really saying that the Father unveiled everything. The Father taught Him everything. The Father demonstrated everything to Him. This is the example that He wants us to follow.

I can’t even begin to claim to have scratched the surface on this thing. but I will be trying to daily or every other day blog more and more on TRUE LEADERSHIP, heavenly leadership. Be encouraged!